Co-Creating Joy

She sits in the corner, outside of the circle of women, staring down at her phone.

Her friend stands beside her, supportive yet hesitant. From her body language and cautious glances. I guess that she would like to join the others but feels torn about leaving her friend sitting alone. 

The other women begin to dance together with simple movements, guided by a smiling facilitator who encourages them with lighthearted comments. I dance with them, observing bodies and faces awakening into flow and freedom as the music lifts them. When invited to join in, the woman in the corner crosses her arms and declares, ‘I only dance to music I like.’ Her face closes and she looks down again at her phone. 

I am one of several facilitators invited to a retreat for survivors of domestic violence. At lunch, I have the opportunity to talk to this woman and she reveals her anger and hopelessness at losing her home, being forced to live in a women’s refuge, and being separated from her three young children because she can’t find a home and a job. 

Over the course of the weekend, I talk to several of the women, hearing their stories and observing their varying responses to their situations. 

One woman is fiercely resilient, celebrating the return of her teenager to her after years of struggle and separation. Another describes her battles to regain custody of her son after her ex abducted him on a weekend visit. Hearing their stories, I feel saddened by their circumstances and the obstacles they face in simply trying to care for their children, yet also inspired by their determination.

The following day, we continue to move through a variety of practices, including a beautiful co-creation of a flower mandala. It is spring and the rain that has been so persistent has finally eased. We wander out into the grounds of the retreat centre to gather offerings from nature as the raw materials for our mandala. 

When we return, laden with blossoms, leaves, bark and berries, we begin to create our mandala, sitting in a circle as each woman quietly takes her turn to place her offering into the centre. One of the last to arrive is the woman who refused to dance,  her arms brimming with blooms and the hint of a smile on her face. She shares her pleasure at this opportunity to forage freely in nature, and I can see her defences starting to crumble. 

Gradually the mandala takes shape, woven with intuition, grace and creativity. When it is completed, we walk slowly around it, absorbing the beauty of our co-creation. Some of the women take time to share the significance of their chosen offerings, while others listen with open hearts. The feeling of empowerment and happiness from this simple co-creative process is tangible in the room. 

Later that day I lead the group in some singing and percussion and our reluctant participant joins us in the circle. I give her a drum and she enthusiastically plays along, even though she is unwilling to sing. We complete the day with a sound healing, and afterwards, she smiles and says she could listen to the sounds of the bowls and chimes all night long. 

Later, I reflect on the journey of this woman and hope that she can take some of the softness, connection and joy that she experienced on the retreat back into her life. Even if nothing shifts immediately for her in a practical sense, I trust that the experience of connection with others, with nature, and with her own creativity will fortify her for the journey ahead. 

We all need these opportunities to step out of the challenges of our daily lives, to gather with others who are also navigating this human journey, and to connect to the simple pleasure of creating together.  So much of this has been lost in our current society, particularly since the pandemic isolated us from one another. 

So if you can find the opportunity to gather with others, to create music, art or meaningful conversation, I encourage you to do it. It may just be what you need to soften your defences and fortify you for your own journey through life.